'noem me black & decker want ik ga je boren'

april 22, 2010.

This is the corner of the Amsteldijk and the Smaragdstraat in Amsterdam as shown in one of those sur-real 'our-streets-as-viewed-by-Google' shots (click to enlarge). It is a part of the small 'jewel hood', the Diamantbuurt: a neat little quarter where all streets are named after precious stones: diamond, ruby, sapphire, emerald, topaz and garnet. The Diamantbuurt was built in Amsterdam School style, in the 1930s, and thoroughly renovated in the 1980s.

Early one morning a couple of months ago, while I was walking up to the Amstelstation, on the pavement at the very corner you see in photograph I picked up the crumbled pages, scans of which (see below) make up the bulk of this entry.
On it, printed as well as hand-written, there were three raps.
In Dutch.
I stuffed them into a pocket of my overcoat and read them on the train I took to Maastricht. What struck me about them was that, despite their and my dutchness, these local Amsterdam (and probably high school) mimics seemed even more alien to me than their african-american models. Textually theirs is a strangeness quite similar to the visual strangeness evoked by Google's camera view of the 'jewel hood' corner in the picture above.

The first one (see the first line) is meant to be rapped to the music of Tupac Shakur's (better known as 2pac) Thugz Mansion.
The second one, hand-written, is but a sketch.
I think the third one ("overname") is the best. It again mentions the 'beat' that should go with it: Fast Life Instrumental. (That might be Kool G Rap & Nas's 'crazy classic from the 90s' that I found on uTube). Also this text explicitly makes reference to 2pac, with the mentioning of 'southside' and the All eyez on me in the last line.
Except for the anglophonic slang words borrowed from the author(s)'s favorite records, none of it will make much sense to non-Dutch viewers. But Dutch speakers will surely notice 4 fine brand-based similes ("je lines zijn faker dan een disney animatie" ; "heb meer sprepen op me rug dan de patta k-swiss" ; "noem mij duracell want ik ga langdurig mee" ; "noem me black & decker want ik ga je boren") and the crappy grammar and spelling, some of which may be intentional, but probably not all of it.

The general 'flow' and 'intention' of the raps is more or less clear.
Some of the details, though, remain a mystery.

The first text is called: "defenitie van een carnaal" (defenition [sic] of a 'carnaal'). I can only guess what is meant by a carnaal (or karnaal, as it is spelled in the last line).
Further on the text mentions kelma. Googling suggests this might be Moroccan(?) for 'word', but I'm not sure.
And what are the tijden van Hayran?
Who is Justin Liehoedlake?
And what does fa2s mean?

...

I doubt that the SoundBlog is much frequented by young Amsterdam rap fans, so I guess there's little chance that at some future moment I will be able to share a recording of these ur-Dutch raps with you, as performed by their author(s) along to the intended beats.

I really wish I could, and I'm not being ironic here: bring me that 'boy die blijft draaien, als een reuzenrat vanuit amstel-fain' ... !

...

Ey yo, ik doe me ding / en de rest hou ik low / maar de meeste / ik ben een stunner / young baller / en de rest ken je ook / maar maak kennis (bitch) / van de C tot de O / 1102 nigger / en de rest weet je ook / Big boys / Big toys / we moven meteen / we blazen in de cine / maar niemand ons meteen die ziet ons meteen / je hoort ons aankomen / we gaan dik / we gaan je ziet me aanlopen / eenmaal in de cine zal ik zo zwaar komen / net gewichten die je heft / slecht / ik ben er beter in / ik zeg dit voor de duidelijkheid / en die verbetering / chello is der eigenlijk veel beter in / vaak aanvallend / maar soms in de verdedeging /

{ fuck niet met ons /
ik maak het koud / en breng vernedering / ik sla je neer / en lach je uit / voor een vernedering } 2x

tags: rap, hiphop, Amsterdam

# .359.

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