07.11.1999
"joy division"
Of some things you know that, sooner or later, they are going to happen. But then when they do, it still seems to be out of the blue ... Yeah, I knew that we were bound to become lovers. And, no, I did not find it strange when Melissa woke me up in what seemed to be the middle of last friday's night, bumping on my door, looking like a drowned little kitten, caught by a sudden fierce gush of rain while running all the way from her flat to mine. I remember wondering whether she had been crying, and that there were no words, just a mutual reaching out, a wordless understanding. And how cold and damp she felt when she pressed herself fully dressed against my thinly covered body, glowing from - how many? one? two? three? - hours of deep sleep. I also vaguely remember the smell of alcohol - it could've been her, but also me - and the sound of an ambulance rushing by the precise moment that her lips found mine, and we started to kiss, stumbling through the kitchen into the bedsit, struggling with clothes that should have just evaporated into thin air, but of course they didn't, and she giggled, kicking away her shoes and I tried to help, but we got hopelessly mixed up, in such a hurry that the buttons of her blouse were ripped clean off, all the time continuing our embrace, maybe out of some unconscious fear that if we would not, all of this would suddenly disappear. But then we fell on the bed and Melissa for a moment let go of me. She took off her skirt, her bra, reached for my shorts, slid them off, almost tenderly, and brought me back down on top of her, with one hand pulling aside the bottom of her knickers, then eagerly, decisively guiding me, and I guess it was only while sliding deep down into the wet warmth of her body that I fully realized what was happening, and a "No! We shouldn't!" crossed my mind but never reached my tongue as it got numbed by the chorus of a Joy Division song that started playing in my head, over and over again, and I looked at Melissa's face, radiating that mysterious o so beautiful love-making-smile, realizing that she probably just was far too young to know the song, but the lines kept coming back with each crushing of our bodies, with each moan, until she started trembling and forcefully clawed her nails along my back down to my buttocks when in short succession we both came and I almost blacked out.